Facts and Myths: {One Pregnant Girl's Opinion}

Lately, I've been pouring over books like What to Expect When You're Expecting and documentaries like The Business of Being Born in hopes of gleaning some honest information on the crazy adventure called pregnancy.

Before I got pregnant, I envisioned it would go a little something like this:

-We'd concieve quickly and easily. {And, coincidentally, this is the ONLY part that has gone according to plan.}
-I'd immediately have gigantic (yet perky, Sports Illustrated-esque) boobs, silky hair and radiant skin.
-I'd have complete strangers stopping me in the grocery store saying, "My gosh, you're glowing! You must be pregnant!"
-I'd be full of energy, indulge every delicious craving and, in 9 months, produce a beautiful human being.

And then we'd live happily ever after.

After a critical analysis and some self-reflection, I realized I MUST HAVE BEEN ON CRACK.

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Don't get me wrong, we are very, very grateful that God has given us this little miracle, but HEAVENS TO BRENDA...pregnancy ain't easy.

Here are a few things "they" say and what my experience has been like:

They say: You'll feel beautiful.
My experience: Um, not really. Although I love the bump, (and am having a ball dressing it up), my ankles are the size of tree trunks, my lips are always swollen (sooooo weird) and certain bodily processes I once took for granted have all but ceased. (Someone had to say it.)

They say: You won't care about the gender, as long as the baby is healthy.
My experience: So, so true. Our scare during the first trimester with the wonky test results and weird sonogram drove home this adage even more. Boy or girl, you really, honestly do not give a donkey's backside whether you get to buy blue or pink; a healthy baby is the only thing that matters.

They say: You might be sensitive to certain smells and foods.
My experience: FACT. Here's a little anecdote for you:
My co-workers had a huge pancake breakfast brought in for our supervisor on her birthday, which was awesome. Awesome, until I walked into the office that morning, took one whiff and had to run like Usain Bolt for the ladies room where I proceeded to projectile puke my Michael Kors slingbacks off. This was the day I discovered that the smell of maple syrup was like my kryptonite: not to be fooled around with. I have not tried to eat, smell or go near a pancake to this day.

They say: It flies by.
My experience: Sort of. The days where you feel good will fly, but those days where you're super sick, well, they crawl.

They say: You'll feel an unmatched connection to the human life inside you.
My experience: So. True. To feel her kick, twirl around, hiccup...it's a little bit sci-fi movie, a little bit surreal, but 100% amazing. I cannot imagine NOT having this baby. I also cannot imagine how my heart can love her any more once I see her than I do already. It's amazing.

They say: You'll experience a wave of emotions each day.
My experience: Werd. (We won't discuss my mini-breakdown the last month when I realized that Chick-Fil-A will never, ever carry the Southwestern Chicken Salad again.)

They say: You might be a little sensitive to heat and humidity.
My experience: If you plan, like myself, to endure your second and third trimesters during the summer, I'd give serious consideration to investing in a commerical walk-in freezer. Or, see if you can take up residence in the one at the local Pizza Hut, right there next to the frozen calzones and chicken wings. Because that's where I'd live right now if I could. I looked at this week's forecast here in AR and literally wept last night. I may need to procure a timeshare in Poland for the next three months.
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Know what though? At the end of the day - every day - I thank God and our lucky stars that we are having a baby. I am utterly humbled at the gift that is Caroline. Truly, I am. Every time I see her precious little body bouncing around on the sonogram screen, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude.

And the urge to pee.

*Again, please know that we are so, so happy about this pregnancy and, as much as I like to joke and "put it all out there", I am fully aware of how blessed we are to have been given this gift. If you are currently in the process of "waiting" for a baby, my heart and prayers go out to you.